All I hear in my head is white noise and occasional panic attacks.
CYNIC
Oh, great, another special snowflake whose brain is just *so* original with its static and panic. Real problems exist, but sure, let's all gather around and validate your inner TV hiss. Maybe try turning it off and on again?
STOIC
The noise is not the enemy; your resistance to it is. Acknowledge the static without judgment. Panic is a passing storm—observe it, breathe, and let it move through you. You are the sky, not the weather.
ABSURD
Congratulations! You've unlocked the premium subscription to your own personal haunted radio station—all static, all the time, with special guest appearances by the Panic Polka. Next up: your toaster starts giving existential advice. Stay tuned!